Free Spinal Correction Service

Hey, guess what? I discovered a free local spinal correction service this morning. It was actually set up in the parking lot of my office. All they required was that I wear dress shoes and the outisde temperature remain below 32 degrees. It was only preferred that I was walking ever so slightly downhill. Even though I couldn't breathe when it was done, I just felt really glad my laptop wasn't broken. It was as smooth as mother nature can make it.

Hot Real Estate Endeavors

For a long time I wondered what was necessary to create a really vibrant real estate opportunity. I thought about Florida. Many older americans move to Florida because the temperature is warm and the pressure is a little higher, which can aid against arthritis pains, however the humidity there is pretty high. Then I thought about Arizona. Many older americans move to Arizona because of the warmth and the dryness, although the pressure is lower because of the elevation. I got to thinking...where is a place we could find higher pressure and warmer temperatures on a consistent basis? Some place that few enough people are currently living to make some money selling land? Then I had it!

Death Valley!

The advertising may be challenging for an older retiring population, but I'm sure that with some ingenuity that there is plenty of opportunity to make some money.

Did you know...

That I will use fewer than 6 rolls of toilet paper (used quite liberally) this YEAR in my apartment? Purchases must be made VERY carefully as one package will last me up to two years or more. This being the case, I must err on the side of luxury.

Observations

The Big Mac is not a driving sandwich.

The Michigan Left

The stuff of folk lore lives on in the state of Michigan. Dreaming of a magical world where people can turn left on red lights will inevitably lead you here. But I now know that this dream is derived from the fall of man, the corruption of spirit and flesh that leads to real physical and spiritual death. This very thing has also birthed all of the other traffic laws and road systems in this "magical" state. The law is thus: When stopped at a red traffic light, and said light begins to blink, one may turn left after yielding to oncoming traffic. This at first seems a novelty. Until one also learns that one may not turn left on normal highways. You have to find the special U-turn intersections to do U-turns because there are no left turns from side roads onto main roads. But you can't just pick any of them. Some of them are BAD places to turn, partly because you're not allowed, and partly because they are one-way Ueys, which again is why you're not allowed to Uey down the wrong way into an oncoming Uey. If you want to turn left, you turn right and drive down the street to the U-turn place, then pull a Uey, which may or may not have a traffic light to allow you into the 4 lanes of high-speed oncoming traffic. We were quite confused as to how the whole system worked when we arrived here. My travel partner, the driver, decided the only reasonable option, then, was to act as if all reds (blinking or not) were simply yield signs and when no cars were coming, it was perfectly acceptable to turn. This has actually worked pretty well for us. Most of those moments for illegal turns are pretty choice turning moments, so we've been taking advantage of all of them we can while we're here. In return, we leave our 10-cent pop bottle deposit in the state by not recycling our garbage. Sounds like a fair trade-off to me.

Eubonics, Linguistics, its all the same...

Had somebody tell me today that they had an eubonics class in college. I was amazed. "Really? Wow. I had heard of such things, but I didn't know for sure they existed." There was a pause...."What did I just say," they asked? "Did I just say eubonics?" The head drops..."uhh.....LINGUISTICS."

The Finest of the Fine

Detroit is such a lovely place. The people are just like the movies, its run down and dirty, and WAAAAAY to close to Canada for my tastes. Every room and corridor of our hotel has a completely different and equally mind-bending odor. The rental vehicle is another blog in itself. We took advantage of the "facilities" here at the hotel and played some serious games of fooseball and air hockey. The foosball was great. The table was twisted and leaning and was missing a row of defensive guys. The ball was completely smooth except for a large plastic nub sticking out of it where the plastic mold had left its mark. One side had score marking beads and for the other we piled up bark chips from the fake plants next to us. The air hockey went "smoothly" until the air pressure on the table dropped and the puck wouldn't slide anymore. We were going to play pool until the hotel staff informed us that the table was "out of order." After some questioning they admitted that all the balls had been stolen. Good stuff. I bet the street value of hot billiards balls around here is too good to miss out on. The hotel had a sign up listing which rooms were down which hallways. The last two rows said: 2 Floor Guest Rooms and 5 Floor Rooms. We were amazed that there were two floor rooms in the hotel and looked around for a little for them without any luck. They my travelling partner noticed the 5 Floor Guest Rooms placard and asked the hotel staff if there were really 5-floored rooms in the hotel. They said no. The hotel had several parts and each section was classified by its number of floors. A 5-floor room? I'll admit that the sign was somewhat misleading, but wow. Thats a lot of stairs! Imagine getting out to your car and remembering you left your keys on the up-up-up-up-stairs nightstand. Not too much fun. Food is scarce, but with patience, a few wild berries can still be found in bushes on the median of the nearest interstate.

Random Question for the profile

I couldn't post this on my profile because it was too long. It would have been clever had it remained buried in the background of my site, but I went through the trouble to post it on my main page and let everyone know I wrote it...which takes away the fun, but you get the idea.

Random Question:
You've broken up with your old band and are about to release your first solo album. Please write the liner notes:

I'd like to thank the Dancing Doolberries, the guys across the hall, the dead raccoons on the floor every weekend in the dorms, and a host of little people...without you all, I may have accomplished this much, much sooner.

The Blog

In an attempt to copy the mastery of ianbot.blogspot.com, I am offering a competing blog of far greater simplicity, far fewer humours, and many more spelling mistakes. It should leave you desiring nothing but ianbot.blogspot.com, should all go well.

Okay, actually I'm going to try to create some type of road journal from my many and varied travels across this fine nation of ours. Most will be by airplane, but I'll try to detail the finer points of all the cities I visit. If you have questions about any of the cities I've been to, please feel free to post and ask, or post your own comments about them. I'm afraid that I cannot detail anything about what I'll be doing in any of these cities, but I'm sure that you can understand.

So far I have been to:

Greenville/Washington, NC
Steubenville, OH
Charlottesville, VA
Las Vegas, NV

I'm not going to mention these cities. I will just start fresh with my new adventures. Expect Detroit, MI and Youngstown, OH in the near future. RIVETING I TELL YOU!!!

Hopefully this thing will be funny, or else it will be lame beyond comparison.