A Traveler's Life

I understand how glorious I make my job and my travel sound to you all... fortunately all you hear about are the horrible things that happen to me, and you only hear about 2% of those. I never posted about being stuck in Pittsburgh for 12 hours at the airport, or the flights I have been on that were cancelled while we were on the tarmac, or the flights I took that never got to the airports they were supposed to so I had to get a rental car and drive untold numbers of hours, or all the fast food I have eaten to survive, or how many smoke-filled wet-dog smelling rental cars I have driven, or the several times I have had to fly to a completely different airport and drive untold numbers of hours only to arrive home past 3am, or the TWO times I travelled WITH the same coworker and HE managed to make the flights home but I DIDN'T, the hilarious number of people that smack their heads on the baggage compartment when they stand up at the end of the flight, the way people really get scared of me when I laugh with excitement as our plane skews sideways while we're trying to land, the fact that McDonalds's almost always forgets the barbecue sauce for your nuggets (is the fad to eat them dry these days?), the life-threatening encounters I have had with genuine southern-style sweet tea in Georgia and Mississippi, the various times I have heard gunshots from the hotel or business I was visiting, the way TSA people are programmed to treat travelers in casual dress as if they were morons (they're right a large percent of the time, though), the sheer number of morons that travel, and why I think the federal government should make people pass a short touch-screen exam before they are allowed to go through security (complete with sturdy electric shock administration for stupid/wrong answers), the countless hours of my life I have wasted playing spider solitaire in airports, all the nasty hotel rooms I have stayed in with roaches and burn marks and things I don't even want to tell you about, the magnificent hotel rooms I have stayed in with king-sized beds and pillow-top matresses and little fluffy clouds from heaven for pillows, or the time I watched a semi back over those big parking lot tire spikes the wrong direction, or the time I watched a semi drive over a stop light/street light in slow motion, or how many times I have gotten completely lost in a city I have never seen before, or the number of times my directions to my jobsite (given to me by someone else) included a random "u-turn" in the middle of a 4-lane non-divided highway, or how many times I have bottomed out on sharp inclines with my rental cars, or the time that I hit an igloo cooler that fell of the truck in front of me at 75 mph that flew over the median, or the times that I have gotten to go crazy places and haven't told you about, or how much food has gone bad in my fridge because I didn't use it all before it rotted into slimy bags-0-brownslush in my fridge (cucumbers are special in that category... try it once. its cool), or the fact that I'm trying to date an amazing woman while running around the country like a raving psychopath... so who knows whether you'll ever hear about that kind of stuff...