Tub-o-Fury

Yeah... I tried out the hotel hot tub tonight. I usually don't. Last time I used a hot tub at a hotel was in Palm Springs when my coworker and I sat outside for an hour in the thing and smoked cigars (you gotta do that stuff when you get the chance!) The only time before that in memory was the trip where they gave me the honeymoon suite at the hotel and there was a big 'ole hot tub in my room. I used it every night, but found out that when I did I couldn't actually sleep.

But anyway, I know the hotel hot tub is usually reserved for fat people, but I thought I'd give it a shot. Nobody was around and things seemed clean at first glance. On second glance I saw a bunch of crickets pining for the fjords (monty python speak for "they were dead") around it. I found a relatively clean spot to put my stuff and flipped on the bubble action. I sat down and was about to call my brother to give him a hard time when I began feeling a strange sensation. It was as if I had jumped into a tub of freshly cut onions. My eyes began to water uncontrollably, and against my best efforts the water began to overwhelm me. There was SO MUCH chlorine in the water that I didn't last for 4 full minutes in the tub. No wrinkles, no relaxed muscles, no phone calls to tell people that I was in a hot tub and they weren't... Suddenly I realized why the crickets had all died - they had all succombed to the incredible trauma by chlorine gassing. I just hope my skin holds to my body overnight. I wrapped up my towel and barely made it out of the room alive. (got me wondering if all the fat people just dissolved) There is only enough strength left in me to type this blog article and post a picture of my ridiculous rental car. *gasp!*