Fish... Shaken, not Stirred.

Tonight I ran into a hilarious misprint on an Italian restaurant's menu. The special for the evening was "Boiled Halibut." That's a far cry from broiled halibut, trust me.

Nicknames

I was discussing the topic of nicknames with a beautiful young woman the other evening over a glass of wine. I got to thinking that it would be interesting to see how many of the publicly printable names I can remember that I have had. There are various categories... family, friends, time periods, etc...but I probably won't put them in the categories. I'll put notes next to them if I have room.

Born: Joseph Maurice Bagley

*Joseph - elementary
*Joe - common
*Joey - (copyright held by my grandma)
*Joe Bag - high school. most common.
*Bagley - all purpose
*Cheese Whiz - elementary. long story. stuck for a while.
*Joe Moe - high school
*Maurice - high school. short lived.
*Bagels - college
*Choey - amish babysitter. now my parents.
*Choe - amish babysitter
*Cheese Veele - copyright held by cousin Chen Su (Jennifer Sue, a.k.a. Lettuce Veele). long story.
*Pecos Pete - Dad called me this when I was a wee little guy

I'll post more as they come to mind. There are only a couple non-printables. I'll let you think of them on your own.....



Sinner.

Youngstown Is Growing On Me

I have always heard so many bad things about Youngstown, OH... but it seems to be a decent place. Since coming to Youngstown I picked up some additional hobbies. A couple friends I met here at the 7-11 introduced me to the drug trade. I am learning to deal small pills before I can move up to the powders and rocks. I hope to get good at the pills, though, because I think those will probably sell better back in Madison. They seem to be against smoking anything but weed in Madison, too, but I am learning it just doesn't pay these days... There was an economics exam with equations and some chart interpretation at the end of the training session, believe it or not. I had a better offer with another group of friends down the street, but I didn't take it. They paid a good bit more, but the benefits weren't as good. Do you know how hard it is to get good health insurance listing yourself as a full-time self-employed drug dealer these days? I mean, you're selling pills for goodness sake. It's not like you don't know anything about health. Don't mix green and blue ones, always drink milk before the orange ones, don't take 2 purple ones at the same time, etc... Not just anybody can do this job.

I am finding some interesting things out about the city, though. An armed robber was shot and killed in the parking lot next to the place I'm working a couple months ago. There are parts of town I have been instructed NOT to drive through under any circumstances. Also, when I walked out of the office today I could hear gunfire in a nearby neighborhood. Those are the moments when you just close your eyes, take a deep breath, and let it all soak in. They seem to have ecclectic tastes in food as well. I most recently ate at a football bar that serves gourmet food. Tonight I had broiled grouper with a tomato basil creme sauce, salad, a nice glass of wine, and a wonderful homemade chicken noodle soup. A couple nights ago I had a penne alfredo dish, an exquisite new england style clam chowder, and a beer while watching the Steelers game on the tv on my table. Last night I ate at a pizza place that serves their breadstick sauce chilled. *shudders* The pizza was good, anyhow.

You really ought to think about booking a vacation here sometime. There are lots of great things about this place. Some very famous people are from here. They are, of course, all somewhere else now, but I am sure they would come back if they had the chance... I'm sure some important things have happened here, too, but I can't seem to find any information on them. And the people are really nice. They'll generally try to walk between you and the street if you're new in town and don't have any kevlar yet.

You ought to check it out.

No Diving

Why do they have to put "NO DIVING" signs all around the hotel hot tub? The thing is like 3 feet wide!

"Our Top Story Tonight.... Two Puddles May Combine on the East Side to Create One Large Puddle!"

Have you ever been to one of those places where everything seems somewhat normal on the surface, but just a scratch under becomes a bizzare world of insane proportions? Kind of like a dream world, but one that is real. That's Corpus Christi for you. This is a really lame post with a collection of some stuff that doesn't necessarily all fit what I just wrote. Live with it.

I should have caught on when flying down here that something was about to get weird. For one, I was surrounded by old people on a small airplane. That, in and of itself, is neither odd nor undesirable. I enjoy meeting people with more wisdom about life and talking with them. I do not enjoy it, however, when these wise sages begin extruding a constant noxious gaseous concoction of farts in a small, confined space. There was no oxygen left on my airplane. None. I grabbed three oxygen masks from the overhead bin and pulled the tube tight to start the flow of oxygen. I then placed the elastic band around my head, pulling on the straps to tighten the mask and began self-CPR... ok, so maybe i'm exaggerating a little. It was one of those worst-case scenarios, though, and I doubt you'll find it in any survival guide...

I also went to a Subway today for lunch. Completely normal except for the ceiling fans on the 7.5' ceilings... thats really low for a ceiling fan. Really low. The blades were literally 4" above my head. SLIGHTLY unnerving as I'm trying to look up through the blades to see the menu in front of me.

I was invited by a gentleman to visit his small sailboat about 30 minutes away, which he lives on full-time, and he would make me dinner some evening there... I may decline the offer.

My hotel room's air duct is completely coated with mold. My room smells like mold. Punch-you-in-the-face kind of mold smell. It's interesting, really.

The place where I am working ran a news story about a 30-foot-long, 2-foot wide PUDDLE today. That's right, folks... a PUDDLE. Apparently, there was a risk of this puddle spilling into another nearby puddle. The evil puddle had algae growing in it from some previous city work and the other puddle was leading to a storm drain. This was actually a live report at the top of the news tonight. LIVE REPORT!!! The journalist was extra-cautious, though, and wore a latex glove when dipping his hand in the 4" polluted puddle to show the algae. Who knows how many lives he just saved!!!

I don't know. There is so much hilarious stuff happening here that I just can't remember it all. Stay tuned for more...

Oh yeah, and apparently I am going to eat at a restaurant soon that does not serve food on plates. Its all waxed paper. I can't wait!