Garbage Laundering

This Post Rated "G" for Garbage. Not for the faint of heart...

I'm in St. Louis right now. It's a lovely downtown... for the most part. Neat buildings. Especially my hotel. Now this will be a requested feature on a hotel for years to come... so make sure your travel agency knows this is a hotel feature you want before you arrive on vacation or whatever. Please, read on. I shall call it the PutriWave.

It's simple, actually. Say there is a parking garage connected to your hotel, ok? Make sure there is only one way to get from the parking garage into your hotel. Simple enough, right? Then, out of the goodness of your heart, set all of the food waste bins behind a little chain link screen along the channeled walkway into the hotel. Wait until it's a nice, hot summer and bake the garbage all day long in 90+ degree heat. Let it rot and steam and leak so there is a nice brownish black film on the ground in the area by the bins that all driving hotel guests will cross. Then what you need to do is channel all of the exhaust from your hotel's dryer systems into a series of vents placed immediately behind the bins. This way, if the summer heat doesn't get the garbage rotting, then the continuous hot laundry blast will. An added bonus of the laundry venting is that it will actually transport a constant hot blast of super-nauseating garbage heat wave through the channel connecting the parking garage and the hotel. Oh, and make the parking garage underground so people parking have to walk up a small tunnel and over a long enough distance they can't feasibly hold their breath near the bins. Can't you just feel that warm wind blowing in your hair now? Those liquifying bananas, bad chicken, dirty diapers, snotty kleenexes... mmm boy. The smells of summer! That's what I call an idea! Yes, yes indeed. This is my hotel.