Pillow Forts

Due to the extreme number of pillows I have been encountering in my travels of late, I have decided to endeavor into a "pillow fort stage". In this stage of my life, I will build a sleeping fort from the armloads of gratuitous fluffety pillows adorning my sleeping slab. I will sleep within the fort, making an effort to touch ALL the pillows every night to gather the most extreme and luxurious sleeping experience possible. The results of my research shall be posted in the near future...

Tonight's experiement begins with a simple 4-pillow arrangement on a standard medium-firm Holiday Inn King Size bed.

In an effort to embrace my past, I may also post information about future research into hotel bed tents and the relative springability of said hotel beds. I hope, in the case of the springability, to determine whether children simply delight in denying their parents satisfactory obedience on a nightly basis, or if they actually enjoy jumping on their beds.

Ooh. :) This just in. Its kinda fun.

How to Advertise

Today I saw a wonderful lesson about the freedom and freefalls of capitalism.

I'm driving by this store in Albany, Georgia. Instantly you can tell what they sell. Mattresses. There's one out front on display along the highway. Its standing on end. Don't worry. Its covered in plastic so the rain doesn't get to it...'cause it does rain about every afternoon here in the summer. The store is probably set 60 feet back off the road, so the mattress is pretty much by itself except for its companion.

In order to demonstrate the use of this company's product, they hired a mannequin. A handsome, slate-grey fellow donning red surf trunks and a cornflower blue t-shirt. His head is twisted to his left, looking down the road. Quite the stylistic visionary. As for the rest of him, he's strapped repeatedly to the mattress with bundles of heavy rope with his arms helplessly down to his side.

I can see the TV commercials now...
"You'll Sleep Like A Hostage At Jack's Mattress Shack!"

Joe Goes To Yale

Yes, thats right everyone. I'm going to Yale.

I wish I could say I was pursuing a higher degree in the study of some bland, nebulous social injustice field, but alas, I cannot. I'm just there on business for a few days. This brings up a very important topic of discussion... What would you do if you stopped by Yale for a little while?

The best things I can think of right now are to deface some campus buildings by the cover of night and walk around campus during the day with my nose to the sky wearing my pink cardigan and loafers... but maybe you all have some better, safer ideas. What would you do at Yale? I will now solicit these ideas:

I need your ideas. Give them to me.

...I'm at least going to get a t-shirt.

Hmm...Maybe I could just run wildly around campus wearing army pants and a torn, dirty long-sleeve white waffle sweater. Then they'd be dealing with a right-wing fundamentalist middle-class white unkempt redneck. Would they even know what to do? Would they be injured just looking at me?

Hurricane Katrina

In an effort to oblige the world of journalism, I, too, will post a brief article on Hurricane Katrina. Not only am I related to her (my father's side), I was in southern Mississippi during the storm. It was quite an experience. I caught one of the last flights into Jackson before the hurricane hit land and my bag didn't make the flight. I spent several days with extremly low water pressure and no electricity. You couldn't drink the tap water because it was contaminated. People formed lines of 200 cars just to try to get gas at the 2 or 3 gas stations in town that had electricity. They fought over ice and other basics. After a day of eating chewy granola bars and pop tarts, Taco Bell was restored power down the street. We made a run for the border. Of all things in a natural disaster....Taco Bell ....

I mean, seriously.... Taco Bell.

If you want to ask questions, feel free. I'll at least act like I know the answer.

Man of Many Languages

I now speak homeboy, spanglish, missippi, minnesoootan, madisonian, chicaagoan, cowboy, canadee-eese, and can distinguish 3 southeren dialects. Talk about resume material!

Travel Memoirs

The other day I met a man shaped like a Weeble.



Don't ask.


There was something else I was going to write, but I forgot it in my notebook which is at work right now. I'll fill you in later. The title of my writing will include something about life observations while on antihistimines. It should be a good one.