Here's a Real Deal and Mail Bag Day #1 !!

Got a coupon today for $25 off on a set of four tires. But thats not the good part. Evidently, you get them rotated for free with your purchase! Free rotation on four new tires! ...you KNOW you're in the yuppity 'burbs when kids get away with that one.

In case you know nothing about tire rotation, please continue reading below (I won't assume that everyone knows):
-Tires are "rotated" (front tires moved to the back, and vice versa) as they wear to make sure that they wear out evenly. The front tires wear out slower than the backs, so you move the fronts to the backs for more tread. Only old tires can be rotated.

Its kinda like having brand new shoes relaced. Or taking out an empty trash bag....completely useless.

On to the next topic! I got some cool mail today. One letter addressed to "The GirlScout Family at...." I'll open it while we're speaking so you can see my excitement.... Hmm. Evidently I take my daughter every month to her girl scout meetings and activities, but have to watch from the outside. Now I can bring the whole family to a family fun day picnic! I am reminded to remember my picnic blanket and camera. Well now...for a $25 donation I can go and see who my family is! However, thinking further, just a wife would suffice for now and a daughter would certainly not have a positive impact on this stage in my life. I guess I'll have to pass and wait for the "Parents -Only" picnic day if that ever happens.

I just gratuitously shredded the letter, the donation form, 3 other long pages of girl scout stuff, and the envelope. I love my new shredder!!!

Letter #2. Super-sweet american express / delta airlines deal. I'll read you the first two sentences of the letter:
"Dear Mr. Bagley,
I'm writing to share some exciting news. As of February 20, 2005, you have 0 SkyMiles in your account."
...shred letter
...look over sign-up form for cool stickers to use on all the free business reply letters I send back (in case you didn't know, I mail every last one of those blasted things back. Sometimes empty, sometimes with presents or other great offers I received from competitors :) My preferred envelope filler is easter grass, but I'm recently out and must use shredded paper, which works well, too! I have 12 business reply envelopes to send back this week. Every time I do, the company is charged for it by the US Postal Service. Do your part to keep our stamp prices low!)
...shred form
...unclog cheap stinking shredder...
...open more mail
...2 more business reply envelopes...
(I hear tell I'm soon to get my own zip code! )
...another bill....shred bill...

Quarters and Brain Shrooms

Sorry its taken me so long to bring another fresh breath to my site...truth is, I've had a ton of hilarious experiences in the last couple months, many of which I would like to write, and none of which I can remember. You know those moments? When you know something really funny happened, but the only thing left in your brain is the residual hilariosity? That stuff is probably some kind of fuzzy brain scum.

The following is an aim excerpt from just now on AIM.

kyleptapp: Isn't it about time you updated your blog again, you lazy punk?
ontheroadwithjoe: :-)
kyleptapp: Other pople with blogs update them more than once a month. What are you lazy? :-)
ontheroadwithjoe: you thought I was dilligent?
kyleptapp: Never

My friends know me best, and those who know me best know me well.

I'd share some brain scum with you, but I'm actually kind of enjoying it right now. I may give you some of the warm fuzzy that is left over. I suspect thats where that comes from, too.

Do you have any idea of how hard it is to get quarters when the bank is closed? Oh yeah, and I pulled one of those new nickels out of my pocket the other day. I couldn't figure out what it was for a second. It just looks really weird. You should try it sometime. If you can't replicate the same effect, just let me know and I'll put a mark on the "brain shroom attack" board I keep in my apartment. Its getting full this month. Brain Shrooms...hey, now there's a catchy little phrase. See? Now you've gone and made me think that I'm cool for just coming up with it...or you might say "growing it off the top of my head." Ar Ar.

And for all those who need to know, I am now addicted to a weekly Japanese children's cartoon about a boy who makes bread. See above for possible explanation. Evidently, all thats good and loving in Japan hinges upon the magically warm hands of a young boy who must bake bread so good that it will change the world. His super power is warm hands. You can't say its not original...

NOTE TO SELF:

Do NOT, I repeat... DO NOT, however great the temptation, turn off your refrigerator by accident for 2 weeks. The warming of the freezer contents (chicken, beef, frost (frost must melt into small lake) , etc, and more chicken) leaking into the warming main compartment (dairy and produce) and onto the apartment floor will likely be difficult to clean up and quite possibly the most monstrous odor you will ever come across in your entire stinking life...

Oh yeah...and don't lick the thick green powder off of the "apples" left in the crisper.

And if you DO manage to do this, use way more than 2 boxes of arm and hammer. Even they can't handle this baby.