Eduardo Is My Car's Name

So...

I've been dragging my tailpipe now for 3 full days. I violently range from histeria to severe embarassment, depending on the part of town I'm driving through and how cute the girl is stepping out of the car next to me. You can be sure that I didn't meet the basic "This man will be able to provide for our children," requirement on most of their lists. I find myself quite often stepping out of the car, shaking my head in shame, but only if someone is watching or might be watching me. I usually set my hands on my knees and give a concerned look down toward the bottom of the car, letting the person watching know I know something is wrong. I shake my head and continue walking across the parking lot toward the ritzy little bank office building I work in. I must be trying to act as if the whole tailpipe-dragging thing just happened on the way to work - every day. I half want to kick the thing in front of people just to seem disgusted at its sad condition... (don't tell me YOU don't know what I'm talking about) but deep down... deep down Eduardo is quite magical and I like him just the way he is. If Eduardo were human, I would feel shame for such hypocrisy. On the one I love the feel of crusing down the expensive neighborhoods of an affluent society with my bob-sled brakes jammed on full all the way down the road, around all the corners, over each bump in the road... On the other, well... there are the girls.

I took Eddie to the shop today to get him fixed. Now I know that sounds awful, so I'll leave that sentence for open interpretation. I took him to the Heather Valley Garage. Fortunately it was super-close to my apartment. Its even open at 1030PM. The mechanic set him up on blocks and crawled under with a flashlight to re-strap the remainder of my exhaust system back up under the car. Flawless work. Didn't even get his hands dirty. I was quite impressed. Below is a key for decyphering this paragraph. (KEY: Mechanic = Me. Blocks = Apartment Sidewalk. Strap = coat hanger.)

What is that yellowish stuff on metal coathangers anyway?