Desperation of a Bachelor

In a brief moment of desperation, I, a singular bachelorized man, got into my car and backed ever so slowly out of my parking space at the apartment complex. Its never a quiet moment, as my muffler is no longer part of the exhaust system. Neighbors often peer from their sills to see what rogue Harley gang has decided to terrorize their neighborhood...only to be disappointed to witness a fractured, poor excuse for a vehicle and a scrawny, helmet-haired meteorologist at the wheel, in a rugged old flannel jacket nonetheless. Its chilly outside and the rain is falling lightly. Tonight a new sound is terrorizing the neighborhood, however, and it is bone-chilling. Ten times louder than any missing muffler, and at least as unmistakeable. Young and old turn heads as I drive by. An eerie reminder the effect nature and poor upkeep have on older vehicles is more evident than I would like. I cannot escape their glaring eyes and wincing cheeks... Not tonight, anyhow. But I needed pizza and nothing would stop me. My top-fuel dragster roars up the hill and down the other side, dragging with me a combination of sounds akin to several running motorcycles being pulled behind a tractor with a rope. People driving behind me hold their distance for fear of me. People beside me honk and point, or point and honk, or simply just stare. But tonight....tonight it was time for pizza. I eased into the minimall parking lot and parked sideways across three unused spaces in the back of the lot. It was best if I did't try to back up at all. You see... my muffler is missing... but my exhaust pipe is not. Yesterday a strap broke and it is now drags quite obnoxiously against the road when I let off the gas... All help is closed on Sunday here. And did I mention its loud? The people outside Little Caesar's thought so too. I puttered my car home with the window down (so I could hear the action at full volume), laughing histerically at what people must be thinking. What would I have thought myself? It would have been pretty funny to see some guy dragging a sparking pipe down the highway through a quiet, sleepy residential district. [Enter heavy night air and thougtful moment.] Its cold and damp outside and you're on the sidewalk. Then comes this noise... Think mower dragging the blade. You stop. It gets louder and louder 'till you're cringing from the sound and sight (remember the nerd at the wheel). It continues past you, tops the next hill, and all becomes silent again. You're left standing there thinking to yourself, still staring at the top of the hill in disbelief. Don't you just laugh to yourself in moments like that?
Its all good when there's pizza at the end of the rainbow.